In loving memory of Max

On Saturday the 8th of November we took our beloved cat Maxie to the vet to be put to sleep. It is the hardest decision I have ever had to do and one which gave me much heart ache, sadness and grief. Back in the begining of October we found out that she had kidney disease and we were just devisated. The vet told us that she 'maybe' gave Max about 3 months but I just knew in my heart it would happen faster. When I first found out I cried myself to sleep for many nights with Maxie cuddling right by my side in bed. I just could not believe that my baby was going to be gone so soon at only 7 1/2 years old. She has brought our family SO MUCH HAPPINESS and LOVE and it just broke my heart into a million pieces that we were going to loose her. So right after we found out about the kidney disease the vet gave us some over the counter meds to make Max feel better but there was no cure for her illness, we would just be helping to make her comfortable for as long as we could. At first she seemed to be doing well and seemed to be herself. She loved all the new wet food and acted pretty normal. Then a couple weeks ago I noticed she just did not want to eat as much and I had to sit there with her petting her and telling her to eat her food. And since she was not eating much she was getting weaker and since the begining of October she has lost about 2 1/2 to 3 pounds, which is dramatic since we could never get her to loose weight in the past and this was a cat who LOVED...I MEAN LOVED TO EAT!! So everything seemed to be spiraling down and she wasn't eating much because she did not feel well and not eating made her weak and tired and she was just going from her sleeping spot on the couch to her sleeping spot on our bed, curling up in a small ball, not really interacting with the boys or her surroundings and just wanted to cuddle with Patrick and I constantly. So last week I was thinking it was time to let her go before she really began to suffer and get weaker and stop eating all together, but I didn't tell Patrick for a couple of days because I knew what he would say and I didn't really want to do it. Somehow I felt she would just get better. But on Thurday we talked and came to the conclusion that we should take her on Saturday when the boys would be with Patrick's parents. I couldn't contain myself and burst our crying and I just felt sick to my stomach. So when Saturday came around I just did not want to get out of bed. I wanted to cuddle for the whole day with Max. I just could not believe she was going to leave us. We went to Logan's swim lesson in the morning and then Dylan went with Patrick's parents so we could take Logan to see Madagascar 2 after swimming, then after the movies we took Logan's to Patrick's parents. The whole car ride after the movie I cried and cried and cried. I just didn't want to take Max. When we got back to the house to get her I just walked in and she was walking toward the laundry room to see us and I just dropped to my knees and cried. I grabbed her skinny little body and hugged her so tight. Then I spent about 20 minutes with her before we left brushing her and playing with her telling her over and over that I loved her and that I was sorry I couldn't make her better. To me she seemed fine and was acting normal but I knew that was my mind trying to find a way out and a reason not to take her. Then Patrick put her in her carrier and she instantly began to meow and I kept saying, she is scared, she just wants to sleep on our warm bed, she wants to go home, she doesn't want to go, we can't take her, WE CAN'T TAKE HER!! I cried hysterically all the way to the vet and felt like I was going to pass out. When we got there they took us right back to an exam room. Patrick filled out all the paperwork while I was crying my brains out petting Max. Then the Vet came in and we talked for a couple minutes about Max and he explained what they were going to do. He then took Max out of the room to put her catheder in her vein. The vet came back and placed a blanket on me and the tech placed Max in my lap. I felt like running the hell out of the room but I knew she had to go, she was only getting worse and worse and I didn't want her to suffer a long, slow death, I wanted her to go quickly and peacefully before her kidney's failed completely. So the vet knelt down and injected Max and I began to cry hysterically and I have NEVER, in my life, felt so much pain, sadness and agony. It felt like my heart was being ripped out. I grabbed the vet's arm and about 5 seconds later I felt Max's head lower down and her whole body relaxed and the vet said she was gone. I can't remember crying so hard in my whole life. I just held Max tight in the blanket and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried...she was gone...my sweet, loving, kind, patient, and cuddly baby girl was gone. Then the vet took Max out of the room and I could not stop crying, the pain hurt so bad. Everything that day seemed like a dream. I keep thinking Max is going to walk down the hallway or jump up on the bed at night to cuddle with me...but she is gone. The first night without Max I slept on the couch until Patrick went to bed and I woke up a couple of times and cried myself back to sleep. It's the hardest at night and in the morning but the kids keep my mind off things and distracted during the day. I know each day will get a little easier, slowly and time will help me heal. But just like when my other cat Balthazar passed away (Thanksgiving Day 2005), I have never really gotten over his death, I have just learned to live with it and that is just what I am going to have to do with Max. I gave her a really GREAT, wonderful life from the time we got her as a 6 week old kitten all the way up to her passing. She was always loved, got a MILLION kisses and hugs a day (literally), had the best food (tons of it) and I always treated her like my baby. She was the absolute perfect cat for our family, just the most loving and sweet soul ever who was a constant happiness in our life and never got jealous when the kids were born and just loved Logan and Dylan to pieces. She will be very greatly missed and I will always love her...my baby girl Max. Below are some of my favorite pic of Max the last month of her life.

Max cuddling with her brother Logan. They loved each other so much.

Hanging with Logan at Breakfast. Believe it or not, she really used to love to nibble on those eggo waffles...little stinker.

One of her favorite hiding spots, my closet.

Max cuddling with Dylan on the couch.

She always loved looking out the kitchen window.

Hiding in the hall closet in the blankets...another favorite hiding spot.

Our Halloween Black cat.

GOODBYE SWEET LOVING FRIEND. YOU WILL FOREVER BE A PART OF MY SOUL AND IN MY HEART. YOU ALWAYS BROUGHT US HAPPINESS AND I AM DEEPLY SADENED THAT YOU ARE GONE. I WILL LOVE YOU ALWAYS, DEAR SWEET MAX...I WILL LOVE YOU ALWAYS.