Venting

Well as about half of you know in mid-January Patrick was laid off from his job of 9 years at an architect firm here in Sacramento. It was such a shock for us and it was totally unexpected. I am still in shock and get very stressed out a lot. I worry a lot about money and the economy and how long are we going to go before he finally gets a good job. He has sent out about 10 resumes for state jobs but with the CA budget in total chaos and with lay-offs with the state, who knows if the state is even hiring...I just wish those damn lawmakers would make their freakin' minds and stop arguing over who's plan is better than who!! Patrick has also sent his resume out to about 2 dozen architect firms all over the sacramento area (and bay area) but it's like the whole damn architect world has come to a stop...no one is hiring (they are just trying to keep a hold of the employees they have) and some are even doing lay-offs themselves. Everyday he keeps looking and still no luck. Now I know there is no quick fix and we just have to give it time but I am getting so frustrated, stress, angry, worried, scared and overwhelmed. I just feel like life has come to a complete stop. And this year started off really good too. Patrick got a huge holiday bonus from his previous employeer. We were going to finally pay off the last of the credit cards by May. We were hoping to start trying for a 3rd child sometime this summer. We were going to take the boys to Disneyland for the first time for Logan's 5th b-day. And most of all this was going to be the year we were going to get ahead and really start saving. But everything changed when Patrick was laid off. I tell you it is the worst feeling in the world...life just came to a dead stop. Even now, 5 weeks later I still get a bit emotional. I leave for work in the morning with the boys and I feel fine but on the way home I feel sad and like we have this big dark black cloud haning over our heads. We just don't know what roads lay ahead of us. Obama is trying to help and Patrick is going to meet with the HUD rep in the begining of March to see what we can do about our house (which is underwater, sinking, and going to the bottom of the ocean!!) I mean it really sucks. We did not buy this house to have it go under and loose money!! And who knows if we are going to be here in the house or an apartment in a year or so. We'll just have to see how we can get help for our house to get the mortgage down to market value but our first hurdle is for Patrick to find a good job. I just get so frustrated and angry sometimes...I just feel like I wake up, go to work, come home and start it all over the next day, with nothing but some TV shows to look forward too. I know this should only be temporary but living in it is still hard. People don't fully understand how hard it is and how much stress we have. I worry so much about our future and where we are going. I like having a plan as to where life is heading personally and financially. I like knowing what is head and I like having things to look forward too and get excited about. But all that has stopped for now. Don't get me wrong, I try everyday to be optimistic and hope for good things to come our way, but everyone has a breaking point and from time to time I do break down from the stress. I mean I definately feel blessed for may great things I do have in life and that there are many MANY other families out there in much worse situations than we are in, really struggling to make it. So we are going to try our hardest to keep hoping for the best and we are going to do everything we can to try to save the house and get our life back on track. Let's just hope things turn around sooner rather then later...